All the Single Ladies

So last night I had my first OKCupid date with the boy I’ve been calling (in that one post I wrote a while ago) Marshall, because he compared himself to Marshall Erickson in his profile. We had emailed (long emails, very detailed) back and forth for a while and on Wednesday while I was binge drinking at trivia (what a catch) he wrote me a message that suggested we meet for a drink. I wrote back after the appropriate amount of insouciance had passed and suggested Monday (yesterday) at Vintage in Hell’s Kitchen.

Okay, first mistake. We shouldn’t have gone there. It’s okay for impromptu, large coworker gatherings (the only way I’d ever experienced it) near the back of the bar in the lounge-y section, but up at the front the music was blaring from the speaker and then there was a live singer??? Although, he did sing Damien Rice’s “Amie”, which is the best song ever, so it was sort of okay, but Marshall did not know “Amie” so it was less exciting for him, and thus me as he stared at me blankly when I said, “I love this song!”

Marshall had warned me that he was much shyer in person than he was on the Internet, so I was prepared for how quiet he was, but it was clear from the jump that he wasn’t interested in  me—he didn’t even take off his coat the whole time! And, AND: he was texting the whole time, for work apparently, and while he did apologize, and I did tell him it was fine, it’s not really fine. I mean, Marshall, I don’t know your life, but just put the phone away. Although I do understand the compulsion to not let texts pile up, but whatever.

The date was about an hour and forty-five minutes, and he paid, although I did go for my wallet and would have split it—he definitely didn’t seem to think he’d gotten his money worth out of me, and I hate to be in debt to anybody, but I was like, just let it go. And he did walk me to the train. It wasn’t the worst thing ever. I definitely got the impression that I would have to spend more time with him to get to the point where he was comfortable enough to actually be his real self around me, but I doubt that’s going to happen.

Before I left, my friend/coworker E gave me two pieces of advice/two commandments I was not to break:

1. Don’t yell at him
2. Two drink maximum

I followed those to the letter (although, like I would yell at him?). My goal for the evening was to not go into “super crazy A performance mode”, which sometimes happens when I’m around people who are shy—I talk a lot and tell a lot of jokes and while it’s not insincere, exactly, it’s definitely draining to me and not at all the sort of way I like to project myself. Usually I only notice it with groups of shy people I already know, so it’s not terrible because they know who I am, but with strangers it’s a definite NO. And I don’t feel like I did that with him. I helped him out in quieter moments by asking questions and broaching topics, and I did tell a few jokes which he laughed at (although of nerves or actual amusement I’m not quite sure), but I didn’t appear to set him at ease at all and I don’t think he’s interested in me in any way, not even as a friend. So. Yeah.

I’m going to send a nice follow-up thank you email to him because I’m a polite motherfucker, but I don’t expect to hear from him again. C’est la vie. On to Bachelor #2…once I figure out who that is. I’m considering texting Sport like he asked me to and I never did, but this week is crazy for me so maybe I will when life slows a bit.