December 2009
14 posts
M: The longest night of the year (okay, it was the...
I don’t know what to do. Last night did not go well.
We met at a bar. We had the whole back room to ourselves. We talked about really banal things. Like Point Break.
We talked for an hour and a half, then he said he had to go. We stopped at the Amish Market to get him some hummus and cucumbers and me some eggnog. Then we got to my street, and we talked there for a while.
Then I started...
I had Taco Bell for the first time since infancy this weekend. And now I want some more. Why did I resist so long? I was a fool. This is what true love is.
Also, on the way to the Single Ladies Christmas Extravaganza on Long Island this weekend, we sat across from a beautiful and hauntingly familiar stranger on the LIRR. Seriously, he was a dish, and I can’t remember where I’ve seen...
“There’s a joke in this mess somewhere about “See you next...”
– M
M: Gaa! ... Gaaa!!
Prologue: I haven't heard from Clark Kent since last week, which was the first time I had heard from him in a month. Then tonight, he texts me.
Scene: A New York City kitchen. The heroine hums Christmas tunes. She is making cookies. Her phone buzzes.
Clark: If I write a book, can you shop it to important high ups and get me a good deal? Assume it's good.
M: [Prestigious children's publisher I work for] is not interested in shemale bondage stories. Even good ones. Sorry.
Clark: Not even non-fic? [Aside: goddamn it! I hate that he's funny!]
M: Ha. Well, I guess I could take a look.
Clark: That's the spirit. Home for the holidays?
M: Not til xmas eve. Still fun to be had in nyc. You?
Clark: Be here all season. Fun? NYC? No way.
M: In the midwest, my ugly sweater would not be ironic, whereas in nyc, everything is ironic.
Clark: Right, in the midwest, your ugly sweater is just unfortunate. I learned that from Alanis Morisette [sic].
M: She's canadian. She gets it.
Clark: Good call. Per the usual.
M: Clark, what is this about, if you don't mind me cutting to the chase (per usual)? Do you want to start seeing me again or are you just bored? False dilemma?
Clark: Well, (a) of all, I really do have a book idea; (b) if you'd like to grab a drink sometime, I would too; and, (c) I'd like to know your thoughts as well.
M: [...]
Clark: No good?
M: Roommate came home. Dramz / composing to you
Clark: All good :)
M: A) write the book first. Otherwise, no one gives a shit. Worrying about the idea? Join a writers' group. That's the conventional, time-tested advice.
M: B&c) I'm free next tues. Figure this shit out? (pls come with ideas)
Clark: It's on
M: aight. See you tues.
Clark: Perfecto
N: Thank you Santa!
So - after a long, long dry spell at this whole dating thing - this week before Christmas has brought a little lurve to my life (hopefully).
First - I have been texting back and forth with a boy from the old challenge days. He started it, saying I’d been on his mind a lot lately - and I’m really bored and lusting after attention so I’ve been playing along. We were supposed to...
Is there such a thing as “textual chemistry”?
I slay myself.
Ok, so as much as A disapproves, it appears Clark is back in the picture. What can I say? I like him. It should be mentioned, however, that there is a draft of a text that I did not send last night, but could at any time:
“Also, before this gets too far along, please tell me why the fuck you’re texting me now, after a month of nothing. What do you want?”
Mistakes! I’m...
Title edit: Textual Healing
Clark: I like your style, M. Diligent, but realistic.
M: So you're alive. What else is new?
Clark: Oh, not much. Same job, same president, new books. Speaking of books, any new jailbait fic I should check out?
M: There's a book coming out this summer about kissing cousins. Haven't read it yet, but it sounds right up your alley.
Clark: Want to fight?
M: Only if you'll pull my hair. (Aside--oh no I _didn't_!)
Clark: That's hot m.
M: Ha. Yeah.
Clark: Sigh
Clark: Watching Predator. Jealous?
M: Say hey to jesse ventura for me. Also arnold. So many governors! I'm decorating our tree. Jealous?
Clark: Ventura says that chew "will make you a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurus." I think he sealed up the governorship right there.
M: That's our boy! Minnesotans, man. We get mad drunk on election day.
Clark: Good folk, you. How's the tree?
M: Patriotic. All the decos are blue and red.
Clark: V nice. Predator is toying with arnold right now. Kinda looks like creepy alien foreplay
M: You are terrible at sexting. Predator foreplay? I'm going to bed.
Clark: Admittedly my source material kinda let me down there.
M: A for effort, clark.
Clark: Night
sex gingham
This is that kid that I was supposed to hook up with all that long time ago. But now I’m feeling more like he’s some weird flavor of yogurt I bought on a whim and then forgot to eat and is now past its expiration date. Yogurt that texted me last night: “Hey its [Sex] sorry about the other week what are you up to tonight?”
Which, as I said, I missed. And then today, I was...
text to clark
Fuck you. I stopped scanning the obits for your name two weeks ago. Figured your body would never be found. Fuck you. I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Fuck you very, very much. You fuck.
Shall we place bets on whether he fucking responds?
But thank you for your if/then statement of...
howyoudoin:
Man in bar: If I were that guy that you’ve been talking to, then I would be making out with you by now.
Me: That was my brother.
(via Erica in Norwalk, CT)
hahahaha
I just finished eating half a casserole dish of apple crisp (followed by a bowl of leftover instant stroganoff), and watching Wheel of Fortune (followed by Dan in Real Life) (followed by two episodes of Big Love). This was my Friday night. I’m sick and I’m poor. It was perfect.
But I wasn’t watching my cell phone.
Guessed who texted me? If you guessed Sex Gingham, you win.
And...